IN RESPONSE TO THE QUESTION: “Who is your best friend?”
Who cares? A “best friend” title given to someone very special to you is only a recipe for disaster.
In my experience, a friend deemed “the best” has somehow always managed to fall short of their BFF expectations. But first, let’s look at the expectations of said “BFF” and all that they entail…at least where I come from.
1. Do not sleep with my boyfriend/husband….unless given permission, in which case you should cut me off from any further drinking, feed me some Ramen Noodles and Ibuprofin, and send me to bed…next to my boyfriend/husband.
2. Listen to me bitch about my life while I only pretend to be concerned of the contents of your own.
3. Water my plants and feed my dog while I am away on trips. The trips I had no intentions on asking you to come along on, since I knew someone would have to stay behind to take care of chores mentioned above.
4. Keep my secrets. And by “secrets” I mean “things I have told you not to tell anyone although I know you are probably building a text in your head to send to your “other” BFF as soon as our convo is over.”
5. You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you shouldn’t pick your friends nose.
6. Tell me when I look like a cow and do not let me leave the house looking like an asshole. I don’t care who you are, or how long you have been friends. A girl NEVER wants the other girl they are hanging with to look better than them. BFF or not.
7. A true friend will change the unidentified fecal odor trap attached to your children. Diapers are love.
8. And finally, a true “best friend” never calls themselves, or you, a best friend at all. Real friends don’t need titles or matching key chains. Unless, of course, you are 12…in which case your BFF’s change weekly. True friendship is understood and often goes unspoken. That is all.
7.
MoMiCa's MoUTh 