Recently I started attending Wednesday bowling nights at the Brunswick Bowling Alley here in Augusta. A group of friends let me in on the “dollar beer” festivities that go on, so I figured I would take the opportunity to get out of the house, away from the very children that I spend 98% of my time with….unless you count the times my one year old breaks into the bathroom while I am trying to have a moment of PEE-ACE (hilarious, I know), then the stat would rise to 99%. Anyways…..
While anticipating a night out amongst adults, even if it WAS to the bowling alley, I finished up dinner, dishes, and kisses goodnight before heading down to enjoy my $1 beer, uh…I mean $1 bowling games.
Upon walking in the door, something very strange struck me…the sound of children. Not teens, tweens, or even inbe-tweens…but toddlers. Babies. Newborns. I checked my phone to be sure it was indeed after 10pm on a week day and calmly strolled into the alley while hoping that some sort of curfew would begin its enforcement very shortly. I got my goofy bowling shoes while barely escaping what would have been a one man game of smear the queer with what appeared to be a two year old. “CANDY,” he shouted! “DO YOU HAVE ANY CANDY?!” I looked around for his parents and saw his Mother racing from the lounge with 2 draft beers fumbling in her hands. “THERE you are, you little shit…get over here!” She shot me a dirty look, as if I had any interest in her snotty nosed kid, and walked quickly back to their lane, dripping beer on her kid’s red mop of hair the whole way. Surely, I thought, this must have been a rare case of idiot syndrome and poor parenting. unfortunately not. Apparently the water around here contains high levels of idiot and asshole…. directly linking the actions of so-called “parents” to the bowling alley.
I couldn’t believe what was going on around me. There were newborns in carriers resting on table tops between pitchers of beer and shot glasses, redneck men gathering up their children in a football hold while launching their bowling balls down the lane, toddlers playing tag outside the lounge doors while their parents went inside for a smoke, and wide-eyed kids sitting quietly while their ghetto fab guardians picked a fight with the good-ol-boys the next lane over. What the hell were all of these people thinking?!
Now, i know that parenting is not something that comes easy. It is a learning experience at every turn and not every choice is going to be perfect, but common sense should tell these people that small children should be home in bed at midnight, not partying it up like Paris Hilton at the bowling alley while their parents get shit-hammered on dollar beer. My biggest issue was the fact that the management of Brunswick didn’t seem to give a shit, much like the sorry excuses for police officers that were eating pizza and nachos in the lounge while slamming cherry cokes and exchanging high fives over the points on the buck that a fellow idiot/asshole had just shot on the hunting channel.
Some people have no shame, but dollar beer is dollar beer….even if it means dragging your kids along to get it. Perhaps this isn’t the fault of parents or Brunswick at all, but rather Budweiser and Miller for producing such a wonderful product that can be enjoyed for a mere 100 pennies on Wednesdays…….I am sensing a slogan change…”Bring your kids along too, cause this Bud’s for you”.
MoMiCa's MoUTh 